Trapezoid Shawl Pattern
Sep. 16th, 2025 06:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teaotterI finally wrote out the pattern for the trapezoid shawl I made earlier this year. It's my first time writing out a pattern, but I *think* it all makes sense.
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teaotter
tired. so tired.
Sep. 16th, 2025 10:24 pmkaberettHave spent most of the day asleep.
- Attempt #2 at pineapple-from-trimmed-top has NEW LEAVES.
- I am also fairly sure that attempt #2 at lemongrass is taller than it was when we set off on our terrible adventures about ten days ago.
- Actual bed. Favourite mattress.
- I got to make someone's entire day by sending an "... I think I have your object" e-mail.
- Leftovers for dinner: curry from the crew party on Sunday night. Didn't have to think about food. Extremely grateful for this fact.
vital functions
Sep. 14th, 2025 11:59 pmkaberettReading. Tiny bits of Solutions and Other Problems and The Painful Truth.
Listening. More Hidden Almanac.
Exploring. Chester, including Chester Zoo!
Eating. Almost all of my favourite field foods, including raspberry and lemon curd toasties, noodle pots with the addition of the prepped salad bits (spinach! red onion!), the giant lemon and sugar crepes, and flapjack. ("Almost" because the cake options CHANGED.)
Observing. The Milky Way. Something that might have been some kind of satellite or might have been some kind of shooting star. CHESTER ZOO, etc. At least one field bat.
Done Since 2025-09-07
Sep. 14th, 2025 07:28 pmmdlbearOn the whole it's been a pretty good week, modulo problems with the kitchen plumbing, and my internal plumbing. But music! With m leaving next week for the US until the end of October, we had to get as many of their tracks on the new Kaleidofolk album as possible recorded. For this we needed scratch tracks, and as of this afternoon we have them. We have studio time booked for Wednesday and Thursday.
We visited StudiOjo Friday evening. It's only 450m away -- an easy walk even for us. I'll be saying more about the album soon, presumably; all that's needed is time to write it. For now, I'll just mention the title, Winds of Time, which comes from a line near the end of the next-to-last track, "Millennium's Dawn".
In the process of searching for an instrument cable I came across my MXL large-diaphragm condenser mic, so the purple RØDE NT1 I've been coveting will have to wait until this project is done. Hazard pay.
first weekend
Sep. 13th, 2025 08:09 pmfinchThere's nothing quite like reading fanfic that jumps up on your buttons and rolls around on them like my cat jumping up on my keyboard while I'm working.
Weekend one is not off to a great start, I'm gonna be honest. It's definitely now Autumn and the pressure change has my vertigo messing with me. At the moment I have tinnitus in both ears, but the right ear is the whooshing sound I usually get and my left ear is a high-pitched sound. The combination of tinnitus and audio processing disorder leads to the most ridiculous scenes in stores or restaurants or anywhere I have to talk to people because I'll be partway through an interaction and lose the ability to understand what the other person is saying.
The plan for this weekend has been cut down since bending over and other various weird movement is out, but at minimum we're planning on taking some stuff to goodwill tomorrow. This will happen. Bug went through her books some and for her that's huge. And we paid somebody with a truck to come take a few things too big for the car, so... Definitely some progress. Just not as much as I'd like.
I did also finish a fic last night but not anything I've been intending to work on, just something that took over my brain this week. Yay, that!
True Memory Syndrome
Sep. 13th, 2025 08:29 amlb_leeRogan: man, but I am so glad the False Memory Syndrome folks were so wrong about everything.
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More farewells
Sep. 13th, 2025 09:04 pmfred_mouseToday has brought the news of the passing of two more people - one I counted a friend, and one I knew more in passing. I've known both since the 80s.
David was a member of the dance group my mother and I joined in about 1984, and which I've intermittently been associated with since. I'm not sure if I ever had a conversation with them that wasn't about dancing. We were members of the same performance group, although I spent far fewer years in it than David. Other than folk festivals and dancing places, the only other place I ever remember encountering David was in one of the city queer pubs on a very quiet weekday afternoon. I never did find out if they were there because it was a safe space, or because it was their local pub.
Robert ran the Fremantle Music School, which I attended briefly in the mid 80s*. I've encountered Robert intermittently over the years, at various music events. They were involved in the Mandolin Orchestra, and I believe the Recorder and Early Music Society. We met up again when I joined the first of the two (very) amateur orchestras I've joined in recent years -- they have been the leader of the group in the years I've been there (two years? three?). In retirement, Robert became somewhat prolific in composing pieces, and I think we had one of their pieces at least every semester. We have one that is due to be debuted tomorrow, at a concert that is now going to be a bit fraught. **
* provided-by-school lessons ran to the end of year ten. I found a lovely teacher at the FMS, but when they moved away from the school roughly a year later, I followed them, mostly having lessons at their home.
** I really feel for our conductor, and for our other main organiser, both of whom have been dealing with calling telling people one on one throughout today.
Sleep
Sep. 12th, 2025 10:26 pmfred_mouseAt my last psych appointment, I reported back that while getting my evening tasks done earlier was great, and for four nights I'd successfully gone to bed at a reasonable time, it hadn't lasted. I had continued to get the tasks done (most nights) but had lost the ability to then go to bed afterwards -- I'd adjusted to the new normal, and 'finish my list' was no longer 'and it's bed time' it was 'and it's time to read fic / flirt with tumblr / etc'.
(aside: the expression on the psych's face was priceless. They said approximately 'You did the homework?! only teachers do the homework!?'. And here was me feeling that I'd half arsed the homework. Which, yeah. )
Building on that success, I've moved my bedside lamp down from the top of the bedside shelf (say, 1.1m up) to the shelf that is the same height as the bed. This enables me to read in bed with just the lamp on, and not have a really bright room. And it will surprise no-one who knows about sleep and light and screens, putting the screen away and then reading in low light on paper? My insomnia is dramatically reduced.
I'm now waking up before the 7am alarm more days than not. But what I'm not feeling is rested. I'm obviously getting 'enough' sleep in some way, or I wouldn't be waking, but I'm not sure I'm getting enough sleep cycles. Or maybe it is that I've got a lot of stress happening, and I'm just burning through all the oomph I have.
Thankful Thursday
Sep. 11th, 2025 10:04 pmmdlbearToday I am thankful for...
- A very bad hiss on one channel of my recording rig turning out to be a bad cable, and not the (rather expensive) microphone. (If it had been the interface it would have been a good excuse to get a better one.)
- Having extra mic cables sitting around for just such a situation.
- Having made a psych appointment for next week, before N told me that I probably needed one. NO thanks for freaking out under stress.
- Progress, specifically in breathing and singing exercises. Having m as a vocal coach.
I do not know how to characterize the fact that the RØDE NT1 now comes in PURPLE. Gratitude doesn't seem quite appropriate.
Thorn, Frostflower, and Phyllis Ann Karr
Sep. 10th, 2025 06:35 pmlb_leeRogan: While shelf-checking at the sci-fi library, I found Phyllis Ann Karr's Frostflower books: Frostflower and Thorn, and Frostflower and Windbourne.
I had encountered the characters before, in a short story, "Night of the Short Knives," in the Crossing Press anthology The Women Who Walk Through Fire: Women's Fantasy & Science Fiction vol. 2. In the back of that anthology (which the sci-fi library also has), I found the following author's note:
"I met Thorn and Frostflower at a summer writing workshop led by George R. R. Martin in Dubuque, Iowa. Not that they are based on anyone I ever met in 'real life.' Since long before I knew any theory about the Astral Plane, I have believed that characters are real entities who allow writers to use them. Thus, my fiction is a cooperative effort between the characters and myself; but Frostflower and Thorn answered a call for Sword and Sorcery figures in particular." (p. 273)
That note was written in 1990; her first Frostflower title came out in 1980. She's still writing other books today.
I had encountered the characters before, in a short story, "Night of the Short Knives," in the Crossing Press anthology The Women Who Walk Through Fire: Women's Fantasy & Science Fiction vol. 2. In the back of that anthology (which the sci-fi library also has), I found the following author's note:
"I met Thorn and Frostflower at a summer writing workshop led by George R. R. Martin in Dubuque, Iowa. Not that they are based on anyone I ever met in 'real life.' Since long before I knew any theory about the Astral Plane, I have believed that characters are real entities who allow writers to use them. Thus, my fiction is a cooperative effort between the characters and myself; but Frostflower and Thorn answered a call for Sword and Sorcery figures in particular." (p. 273)
That note was written in 1990; her first Frostflower title came out in 1980. She's still writing other books today.
BATS
Sep. 9th, 2025 09:56 pmkaberettBetween one thing and another we wound up having a semi-impromptu mini-break in Chester, including a few hours at Chester Zoo.
... where we went into the bats enclosure and were transfixed for about an hour, basically from the moment we walked in until chucking-out time.
It's a big dark room, artificially crepuscular, with lots of trees (dead) for roosts, and somewhere in the vicinity of 350 bats (Seba's short-tailed and Rodrigues fruit bats). THEY WILL COME SO CLOSE TO YOU. THEY WILL COME SO CLOSE TO YOU. They were flying well within a foot of our faces. You could FEEL THE WIND FROM THEIR WINGBEATS.
And A was greatly honoured by one LANDING ON THEIR TROUSERS.
There were many other Excellent Creatures -- the Humboldt penguins in particular were very excited by the rain (so much porpoising), and the giant otters were indeed giant, and there was an enormous dragonfly, and the flamingos went from almost entirely asleep (including one baby that had not yet got the hang of the whole one-leg trick) to YELLING INCESSANTLY after being buzzed by the scarlet ibis.
Extremely good afternoon out, 13/10, would recommend.
Tuesday mishmash: a milestone | weather | tiny tomatoes | impending Lamb
Sep. 9th, 2025 03:58 pmumadoshiAs of last week, we've lived in our current place for sixteen years. (As ever, I selfishly appreciate that one of the people whose wedding we attended the day before we moved always posts about their anniversary, which reminds me of how long it's been.) Just a few more years will make this the place I've lived longest in my life. (My childhood home currently holds the record at eighteen years.)
We've had some more rain, but still not nearly enough, and enough people haven't been getting on board with the water commission's request to conserve water (apparently there's been no noticeable drop in overall usage) that we're now expecting mandatory conservation to roll out sometime this week. (Does anyone know what that'll actually look like? LOL no.) Fun times. Good work [sarcastic], everyone.
Our tiny, tiny tomato plant that we brought home so shortly before hitting official "we're in a drought" status has tiny, tiny tomatoes on it! They are very green, and I have no idea what their odds are of ripening properly, but given that the drought means we've only actually watered the plant once or twice since potting it, I'm surprised to see fruit at all. Good work [sincere], Tiny Tim.
Under the circumstances, I'm just as glad that we didn't actually try to do any gardening in earnest this year, which we might have if we'd gotten our very own hose installed on the back of the house earlier in the season.
Sometime next year, Cult of the Lamb is getting its first paid expansion (not to be confused with the...three? four?...free ones that they've released). Will I touch another game before that comes out? Precedent says no! But I'm very excited about this one.
We've had some more rain, but still not nearly enough, and enough people haven't been getting on board with the water commission's request to conserve water (apparently there's been no noticeable drop in overall usage) that we're now expecting mandatory conservation to roll out sometime this week. (Does anyone know what that'll actually look like? LOL no.) Fun times. Good work [sarcastic], everyone.
Our tiny, tiny tomato plant that we brought home so shortly before hitting official "we're in a drought" status has tiny, tiny tomatoes on it! They are very green, and I have no idea what their odds are of ripening properly, but given that the drought means we've only actually watered the plant once or twice since potting it, I'm surprised to see fruit at all. Good work [sincere], Tiny Tim.
Under the circumstances, I'm just as glad that we didn't actually try to do any gardening in earnest this year, which we might have if we'd gotten our very own hose installed on the back of the house earlier in the season.
Sometime next year, Cult of the Lamb is getting its first paid expansion (not to be confused with the...three? four?...free ones that they've released). Will I touch another game before that comes out? Precedent says no! But I'm very excited about this one.
Quick and rather perfunctory reading catchup from last week
Sep. 8th, 2025 05:20 pmumadoshiNo proof-of-life post happened over the weekend, but I did get some reading done last week.
scruloose and I have started listening to Exit Strategy (Murderbot 4).
Fiction: I finished and enjoyed The Future of Another Timeline (Annalee Newitz) and now I'm reading Saint Death's Daughter (C.S.E. Cooney), and am maybe halfway through? This one has a lot of detail going on on the worldbuilding front, and after reading the first chapter or two one night and then not getting back to it for a couple of days, I had to go re-skim right from the beginning before carrying on, which is unusual. (A glance or two back, sure. Actually rereading the whole beginning? Not so much.)
Non-fiction: I finished Goblin Mode (McKayla Coyle) and can't say I got much out of it; I'm still reading Daniel Sherrell's Warmth: Coming of Age at the End of Our World.
scruloose and I have started listening to Exit Strategy (Murderbot 4).Fiction: I finished and enjoyed The Future of Another Timeline (Annalee Newitz) and now I'm reading Saint Death's Daughter (C.S.E. Cooney), and am maybe halfway through? This one has a lot of detail going on on the worldbuilding front, and after reading the first chapter or two one night and then not getting back to it for a couple of days, I had to go re-skim right from the beginning before carrying on, which is unusual. (A glance or two back, sure. Actually rereading the whole beginning? Not so much.)
Non-fiction: I finished Goblin Mode (McKayla Coyle) and can't say I got much out of it; I'm still reading Daniel Sherrell's Warmth: Coming of Age at the End of Our World.
vital functions
Sep. 7th, 2025 10:50 pmkaberettReading. Lake of Souls, Ann Leckie: finished the Radch stories; on to The World Of The Raven Tower!
The Painful Truth, Monty Lyman: in progress; not yet Cross with it but also not yet Impressed by it.
More Dreamwidth catchup.
Listening. More Hidden Almanac!
Eating. SO many tomatoes.
Exploring. Poked around Preston a very little!
Growing. ... SO many tomatoes. More watering system established at plot (so hopefully all the peppers will still be alive and well upon my return). Sowed some probably-past-it seeds.
Observing. A saw a deer on the drive up to Preston! A proper big one with antlers and all! We were very impressed.
Also the local owl Yell.
Anatomies of Desire
Sep. 7th, 2025 01:43 pmlb_leeWhen I talked about sex, it was often assumed that I didn’t know about sexual abuse, that I didn’t know about violence against women, and that because I chose to celebrate a passion or to describe a passion, I was immune from the anguish of being a woman in this society. [...] My whole life’s work has been saying—along with others—that we cannot only have an anatomy of victimization. We are more than that. We must have an anatomy of desire, of celebration. We must not assume that because a woman speaks about passion she doesn’t know pain.
—Joan Nestle, “A celebration of butch-femme identities in the lesbian community,” A Persistent Desire: A Femme/Butch Reader p. 462
Rogan: Joan Nestle was talking about the power of transgressive female desire, but the quote also rings with me as a trans multiple. As there’s a push within our own ranks towards identifying with trauma, this idea that the only “respectable” way to be or become multiple is to be (preferably sexually) victimized, and as there’s a political push to see trans people’s very existence as sexually abusive to children, I have found power in shamelessly depicting my erotic desires through art.
It took years to reach this point; sexual violence is like a black hole that sucks everything into itself. Every time I write about sex, including this post, I have to delete constant digressions about the damned black hole. Mac and I had to set a rule that Multi Orgasmic would NOT discuss abuse because otherwise it would’ve been about damn near nothing else! And obviously it was a smart choice; Multi Orgasmic is my #2 ebook bestseller. People are clearly hankering for this stuff; they just don’t say so in public, mostly, because true, honest desire is scary. When you want something that badly (sexual or not), that is a vulnerable place to be in, and that vulnerability by nature is uncomfortable to witness. So we ridicule it, trying to end that vulnerability, that honesty, so we don’t have to look ourselves in the face.
If heartbreak HAS been a part of one’s multiplicity, it’s natural to go through a stage where the grief consumes everything. But like a necessary burn, it’s meant to leave a more fertile land behind, ready for new growth. Eventually, you gotta have something besides suffering to hang your sense of self on. Eventually, you need something good to fight FOR, not just something evil to fight AGAINST.
For me, that good stuff includes banging my headmates and making stuff like Multi Orgasmic. Think what it might be for you. What gives you that soul-satisfying feeling? What waters your heartflowers? What is that good thing to fight for?
What brings you to that scary place of wanting?
Done Since 2025-09-01
Sep. 7th, 2025 10:01 pmmdlbearfrom MillCon was somewhat grueling. But it was a good con,
and we gave a good concert set. Worth it.
We then spent the rest of this week working on scratch tracks.
I'm too sleepy to hunt down good links -- not a whole lot anywaay because see above about working. (I'm too old for this. Nevertheless...)
[embodiment] that was the other thing I meant to say about EIB
Sep. 5th, 2025 04:47 pmkaberettOr at least "the other line I meant to highlight from the Wikipedia article":
There is increasing evidence that the smooth muscle that lines the airways becomes progressively more sensitive to changes that occur as a result of injury to the airways from dehydration.
I had only taken 700ml of water with me; I'd blithely assumed I'd be able to top up at the café and then had Too Much Social Anxiety to ask or even check whether they had a jug out, because that's a thing my brain is definitely Doing at the moment. ... and then on the way back I was desperately thirsty and stole most of A's water, and I am just personally finding it Very Interesting that the thing my body wanted me to do most was More Fluids.
on survivng
Sep. 4th, 2025 04:47 pmfinchOver on the 32-bit cafe board, Eladnarra linked to a recent post of hers about disability in the recent blog post thread, and two other community members chimed in about their wives' experiences as breast cancer survivors, and I started thinking. My thoughts got a little overgrown for a reply on a message board, so I thought I'd write a post instead.
I don't have a conclusion. Just... I was thinking about it.A follow-up post regarding Angel, Lucy, Nall, and Screwtape
Sep. 4th, 2025 05:44 pmlb_leeWe found some of the lost blog archives of the deceased soulbonds from the "Destroying your soulbonds is murder" color bar.
First of all,synecdoches were right in that, according to their 2001/7/2 LJ profile, there were only four deceased: Screwtape (or Screwy for short, from C. S. Lewis's the Screwtape Letters), Angel Morningstar, Cutey the Sprite (from Secret of Mana), and Nall (from Lunar and Lunar 2). Their bonder was one of the cofounders of the LJ soulbonding comm, Laura/Serena190 (soulbonding, 2002/11/9). They’re also discussed in the Soulbonding Database Dump, under the bonder’s name “Laura” when she was 19.
( This post contains discussion of death, fear of insanity and Satan, and ends in the death of all bonds involved. )
First of all,
synecdoches were right in that, according to their 2001/7/2 LJ profile, there were only four deceased: Screwtape (or Screwy for short, from C. S. Lewis's the Screwtape Letters), Angel Morningstar, Cutey the Sprite (from Secret of Mana), and Nall (from Lunar and Lunar 2). Their bonder was one of the cofounders of the LJ soulbonding comm, Laura/Serena190 (soulbonding, 2002/11/9). They’re also discussed in the Soulbonding Database Dump, under the bonder’s name “Laura” when she was 19.
( This post contains discussion of death, fear of insanity and Satan, and ends in the death of all bonds involved. )